Do I have perfect pitch?

I'll be attending a conference soon and I've been honing not only my pitch but a hook that will extend my five minutes to hopefully fifteen. The scene from the Christmas story comes to mind when Ralphie turns in his essay on what he wants for Christmas and he daydreams about his masterpiece gaining praise and approval of his teach and then the whole school.

I have no such delusions. I only want the agent/editor to scream at me in the middle of my pitch, "Say no more I must have those pages now." Although, I've have read how conferences don't yield many immediate connections BUT are vital to future endeavors.

Still I hone with my little hammer in hand. What do you think of my hook for my YA book?

"When Delia falls into the arms of a stranger, it is his pain that ignites god-like abilities inside her." --Unnatural by Michelle Kollar

I can hear it now...a Red Rider Bebe gun? You'll shoot your eye out!

Must have more talking!

Recently, I had the pleasure of attending my first writers conference. The strongest point that was stressed by authors and editors presenting was dialogue is the key to story movement. It is the best method to show and prevent telling. Also flashbacks of any kind will immediately stop the story. I am sorry to say that my current novel started with a flashback and the first twelve, very long sentences had no dialogue. Snore! I had no idea because I lovingly crafted that from a memory I twisted to fit the story. The reader doesn't care. He/she wants to jump right in and be submerged in the first few pages not hear about an old lady and her significance to me. So the changes are being made happily. I want teens to read my book not fall asleep.